Building a Legacy of Grace

For Parents to Ponder: Is our child's obedience TOO important?

You may not know this, but my mom (Donna Harrell) is a pioneer of the idea that children can believe God and be saved. Some of my earliest memories are of her collaborating with other adults on the most creative and genuine ways to bring Grace to the hearts of children. And there is no doubt that my own faith came as a direct result of her unflagging belieft that children can know and love Jesus. Thanks to her, I have no memory of life without Him.

Equally important, I have no memory of a day when I thought my mother didn't love me. I am convinced that before a child will want to obey (you or God), they must believe that they are loved unconditionally.

All too often, though, we parents just want our children to obey! We think, "How can I just get this kid to do what I say?"

Instead, our key question must be: what is keeping my child from wanting to obey? (What is number one in my child's heart right now? What do they love? Where are they placing their faith and hope? What is seated where God should be?)

Another question must follow: What truth can I teach them that–if they believe it–will free them to put God in His rightful place?

After all, teaching our children to obey (us and God) is of secondary importance. We must first teach them to believe! Only when we believe God do we willingly obey Him! In fact, we must make it clear that OBEDIENCE does not save us; FAITH does...as it expresses itself in obedience.

As parents, we can rest in this: God wants our children to obey us. So when God is in His rightful place in their hearts, they will. In fact, I believe that when faith is our priority, we often get obedience. But it does not necessarily work in reverse.

Yesterday, of course, God gave me a chance to put this idea to the test.

I wanted my son to clear some of the Lego clutter off the surfaces in his room. It was simply no longer possible to dust, and he has dust allergies. As soon as I mentioned it, I was met with panic masked by indignant resistance. He clearly LOVED his stuff.

BOOM! Two choices become clear: 

1. pull the authority card, force him to comply, get what I want quickly, expect him to get over it. OR, 
2. empty myself of my right to control, humbly reassure him of my love, teach his heart, pray that he receives the truth. 

I chose the latter. And it cost me dearly, in time and humility and compromise. 

• I had to admit that part of my desire to see his room clean was selfish. (I hate clutter.) 
• I had to admit that even though I have every right to make him do what I want in my home, God wants me to put his needs before my own.
• I had to reassure him that love compelled me to minimize dust in his room.
• I had to explain that parental authority is only needed when a child is being immature or irresponsible. 
• I had to take the time to teach him how not caring about his health or the time it takes me to dust his room is both immature and irresponsible. 
• I had to reassure him repeatedly that I loved him and had his best interest at heart, and that I was willing to find a compromise.
• I even had to mean it.

To gain entry to my son's heart, I had to parent from a place of humility described in Philippians 2:3-4, " Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others."

Once I had reassured his heart of my love, I could challenge it with the truth. I said, "Before we go any further, you need to ask yourself if you LOVE your stuff. Because if you do, this won't go well. Jesus warned people over and over that loving stuff would ruin their hearts and make it impossible for them to obey God." His body language spoke volumes: he covered his eyes, hung his head low. I asked him why he was hiding. He said he didn't know. After a few minutes of quiet, he made some off-the-wall joke, and it was obvious he had decided to turn away from his combative attitude and toward me in cooperation.

That, my fellow parents, is true worship. He let God and His truth be number one in his heart. And he expressed that worship not in heart-felt song or pious prayer. He expressed it in OBEDIENCE. 

I hope this example makes it clear: had I coerced my son, he would have obeyed to avoid punishment, but it would not have been in faith, and it would not have saved his heart from the love of stuff.

At one point in our conversation, my son began to lament what a horrible day he had. He asked, "Why do I always have a terrible day right before we have one of THESE talks?" My answer was immediate: "Because Satan HATES YOU. He knows you are going to be given an opportunity to make God number one in your life, and Satan wants you to be beat down and tired when you get to that moment. But God has given you everything you need to make the right choice, and I am a part of that. I LOVE YOU. And I am on YOUR side. I want you to WIN."

Make no mistake: we have a common enemy. Satan, the Liar, wants parents to believe they must dominate and control their children. He wants children to believe they must rebel and strive for independence. But God wants parents to believe that they must train their children in the tender, patient, gracious ways of God so that our children will be blessed as they submit to us in love. My prayer is that we would ALL be less like Adam and Eve and more like Noah: Let's believe God and express our worship in obedience!

Our Lesson: A New Beginning

Genesis 6-9
Note: Genesis 9:18 begins the story of the day Noah got drunk. While you may want to skip reading this part, you could summarize it. It is essential that our kids not grow up thinking Noah was perfect; that is for God alone!

Also, in the book it has God say, "I won't ever destroy the world again." That is, of course, not true. It should read: "I won't ever destroy the world again with a flood." God IS going to destroy the earth again, this time with fire (see 2 Peter 3). And just as God provided the ark in the days of the flood, God has now provided Jesus in the days before the flood of fire.

Truth about God: God wants to rescue us from sin and death.
Take Home Verse: John 3:36 Anyone who believes in the Son has eternal life. Anyone who says no to the Son will not have life. God's anger remains on him.
Belief Builder: God wants us to believe what the Bible says about Jesus.

Talking Points: Try making your own game of Truth or Lie (see last week's email), using the story of Noah. Or, just talk through the ideas below.

• What truth did Noah have to believe? (That he needed a boat. That it was really going to rain. That God was telling the truth.) 

• How do we know Noah believed God? (He got on the boat!)

• What happened because Noah believed? (He was rescued. He lived.)

• What lies did other people believe? (the opposite)

• How do we know they didn't believe God? (They didn't get on the boat!)

• What would have happened if they had believed? (They would have been rescued. They would have had life, not death.)

May we all cling to the truth in faith!

Bringing Grace to Your Heart and Theirs

For Parents to Ponder: Who speaks Grace to your heart?

I have to say I consider it a gift from God that I have the responsibility and privilege of encouraging you to talk to your kids about their hearts. Honestly, I might otherwise be starting my day by playing a game of solitaire on my phone. :D

Oddly enough this week, I want to encourage you in this: make an appointment (aka, a promise) to talk to another person about what God is doing in YOUR heart. Though it might not seem related, this is a crucial step in parenting your child's heart. 

Why? Because there is no better way to learn how to lead a child than to learn how to be one. And there is no better way to understand your child than to learn to follow your Father. Jesus says repeatedly to follow Him as He follows God. How did Jesus follow God? As His Son!

In fact, I hear from my husband that many men at Men's Retreat made commitments to follow hard after Jesus in the spirit of a child. Praise God! Now, do something highly practical about it. Make an appointment! Let's face it, we all have good intentions to obey God (just like our children have good intentions of obeying us). But these plans often get pushed to the side (just like our children often get distracted from work by play).

However, there is something in the American adult that has been well-trained to keep appointments. Especially with people who are not a part of our family. Don't beat yourself up about this; work with it! Dads, make an appointment to meet with another guy or two to talk about what God may want to change in YOUR heart. Moms, do the same! (Not convinced? Ponder this: sin is often generational. What you want to change in your kids, God may want to change in you first.)

As you meet, discuss the methods God is using to change your heart, and consider how you might apply those methods to your parenting. All too often, we look to the methods of our human (read: flawed) parents, and modify and adapt from there. Inevitably, that has us swinging between two extremes. One is legalistic moralism that says, "You are good if you do the right thing." (Read: try harder.) The other extreme is permissive moralism that says, "You are good enough; no one is perfect." (Read: give up.)

In my experience, our Heavenly Father says neither to us. Instead, His message is Grace: "You are of great worth to me because you are mine. But you are not good. Not at all. Don't worry, though! When you grow up, you're going to look just like Me! (Read: There's hope!)

But what a puzzle it is to practice Grace in our parenting! Does God discipline His children? Yes! (And it's painful! See Hebrews 12:11) Does God rescue His children? (See Romans 7:24-25) Yes! Does God wait patiently for His children? Yes! (See Psalm 145:8-9) Does God allow His children to run amuck in their sin? Yes! (See Luke 15:11-13) Does God allow the natural consequences of this life to teach us a lesson? Yes! (See Luke 15:14-16) Does God express His anger to His children? (See Isaiah 54:7-8) Yes! Does God forgive His children? Yes! (Every time, without limit. See 1 John 1:8-10)

So what governs God's methods? I suggest it is His HEART. Whatever we see God doing in any given season of our lives, we can count on this: His heart toward us never changes. It is always love. Unconditional love. (Read; No matter how long this takes, I will patiently love you.) And frankly, I don't think we can express that kind of love to our own children until we have truly believed and experienced it firsthand from our Heavenly Father.

So why meet with another adult? Simply this: we need an outside perspective to try and understand the ways of God. They are foreign and confusing to us. We need to talk them through. To pray. To search the Scripture. We need help to know when we are making excuses for ourselves and lowering the standard. We need help to know when we are being too hard on ourselves. In a word, we need someone else to speak GRACE to us. Only then can we extend it to our kids. And grace does the one thing punishment and blind-acceptance cannot: it gives us hope that God will change us!

Speaking of hope, here's a lesson on that from the garden...

Jesus Storybook Bible Lesson: The Terrible Lie
In the REAL Bible: Genesis 3

Note: Satan is presented in this lesson. If your child shows fear about Satan, remind them that God has promised to CRUSH him! We emphasized this A LOT in class. :)

Truth about God: God's words are true and give us life.
Take Home Verse: John 3:16: "God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son. Anyone who believes in him will not die but will have eternal life."
Belief Builder: When we believe that God loves us, we will obey His words!

Talking Points (to review the Take Home Verse):

Play a game of Truth or Lie, like the one below. Our story was all about how death came into the world when God's children believed a lie instead of God's true words. Playing a game like the one below will help your children to think and talk about the difference between the truth and a lie. Simply put, a lie is always a variation of the truth! Satan is not creative; he simply distorts what God says in some small way. This teaches children (and us!) an important reason to know and study the Bible: ONLY its words are ALL true; it is important to know exactly what God says. Always check your own paraphrase!

Supplies: the attached sheet, (or a Bible), a pile of "rewards"

Note: some children can be rewarded by they joy of collecting all of a given object, some will need M&Ms or chocolate chips!

How to play:

Look up Genesis 3 in your Bible. Find a statement you can turn into a lie, and then have your child tell you a corresponding true statement. Together, check it against what the Bible says. If the Bible supports their idea, give them a reward. Or, use my examples are below:

Genesis 1

1 In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. 

Lie: The heavens and earth came from a giant explosion.

3 God said, “Let there be light.” And there was light. 4 God saw that the light was good. 

Lie: Light is bad. 

21 He created every living and moving thing that fills the waters. He created all kinds of them. 

Lie: There was only one kind of creature that turned into many other kinds.

24 God said, “Let the land produce all kinds of living creatures. Let there be livestock, and creatures that move along the ground, and wild animals. Let there be all kinds of them.” And that’s exactly what happened. 

Lie: There was only one kind of creature that turned into many other kinds.

27  God created man in his own likeness. 

      He created him in the likeness of God. 

      He created them as male and female. 

Lie: Boys are better than girls. 

OR, Girls are better than boys.

31 God saw everything he had made. And it was very good. 

Lie: God does not want us to have good things.

15 The Lord God put the man in the Garden of Eden. He put him there to work its ground and to take care of it.

Lie: Work is bad.

16 The Lord God gave the man a command. He said, “You can eat the fruit of any tree that is in the garden. 17 But you must not eat the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. If you do, you can be sure that you will die.”

Lie: Rules are bad.

Lie: We don’t really have to obey God’s rules.

Lie: Knowing good and evil was good for Adam.

Lie: God was keeping something good from Adam.

Lie: God didn’t give Adam enough.

Lie: God did not really love Adam and Eve.

18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”

Lie: Being a helper is bad.

Lie: Boys are better than girls. 

OR, Girls are better than boys.

Genesis 3

4 “You can be sure that you won’t die,” 

- God lied.   - Nothing happens when we disobey God.

5 “God knows that when you eat the fruit of that tree, you will know things you have never known before.

- God has kept something good from you.  

- You do not have everything you need to be happy.

You will be able to tell the difference between good and evil. You will be like God.” (This is actually a true statement, see v22; the implications below are lies.)

- Being like God was good for Eve.  

- Eve would be happier if she were like God.

- God had not given Eve what she needed to make good decisions (be wise). 

- Eve would make good decisions if she ate the fruit.  

Eve’s actions:

6 The woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good to eat. It was also pleasing to look at. And it would make a person wise. So she took some of the fruit and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her. And he ate it.

What does this show that Eve believed about God?

- God’s rule was bad for her. He didn’t really love her.

What does this show that Eve believed about obeying God?

- If she obeyed God, she would miss out on a good thing.

- Obeying God would make her unhappy.

What does this show that Eve believed about herself?

- She knows better than God what is best for her.

- She should decide for herself what to do.

What does this show that Eve believed about Satan?

- Satan was telling the truth.  

- Satan wanted good things for her.  He was on her side

- Satan knew better than God how to make her happy. 

What do we really know about Satan? 

Jesus said, “From the beginning, the devil was a murderer. He has never obeyed the truth. There is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his natural language. He does this because he is a liar. He is the father of lies. (John 8:44)

When God confronts His children, we see another terrible lie: My sin is not my fault.

Eve: Satan tricked me.    Adam: God gave me the woman.

What do we really know about our sin? 

Ever since the world was created it has been possible to see the qualities of God that are not seen. I’m talking about his eternal power and about the fact that he is God. Those things can be seen in what he has made. So people have no excuse for what they do. They knew God. But they didn’t honor him as God. They didn’t thank him. Their thinking became worthless. Their foolish hearts became dark. They claimed to be wise. But they made fools of themselves. (Romans 1:20-22)

May we ALL respond to God's truth in childlike faith!

Parenting Often Looks Better On Paper

For Parents to Ponder: What if it all blows up in your face?

This week, I want to encourage all of you that the idea of talking to your kids about their faith sounds a lot more romantic on paper than it sometimes plays out in real life–but it is still worth doing! Last night, Norm and I started our pre-Easter advent by discussing the first of the four Gs: God is Great. We were hoping for a sweet and inspiring moment before bed, kind of a mix between Little House on the Prairie, the Cleavers and a Norman Rockwell painting. What could go wrong when teaching your children the comforting notion that God is in control? 

Within 10 minutes, my daughter was upset (read: loud, screaming sobs) because "that book said something that confused me and made me have bad feelings about God." She was confused about how she could be her own person if God was in control of everything. My son, in a desperate attempt to comfort (read: quiet) his sister, explained that it is like a game of checkers: He doesn't control your decisions, but His moves determine where you can move, and if you jump Him, He's the King, so He can just jump you back. Wow. Deep wisdom for 11 years. Didn't help the 7-year-old. 

So we threw out the book and talked about how when we try to explain God it can be like blind men trying to describe an elephant–all telling the truth but sometimes wrong in their conclusions. (Eg., Just because God is in control doesn't mean we don't have choices.) I urge you again to treat any spiritual book as a BOOK. It is NOT the Bible. Throw it out when necessary. Be prepared that not every word in it is true, and it may draw conclusions that make perfect sense to you, but deeply trouble the heart of your child. (If the world was perfect, why was Satan there? Well, God did not actually say the world was "perfect." He said it was "very good.") 

If your child remains upset (as mine did) despite your attempts to clarify, leave the point of confusion and go back to Jesus. Comfort your child with this: we may not understand everything in the Bible, but God put one thing in it that isn't confusing at all: Jesus proves that God loves us. That's why I love using the Jesus Storybook Bible. It understands that only the Love and Grace of God–expressed to us through Jesus–truly comforts the human heartwhen we come face-to-face with our Great, Good, Glorious God.

Even though it was hard, I thank God for the messy interaction I had with my daughter last night. I rejoice that I could share with her a recent time when I was upset and confused about God. More importantly, now on the other side of my own dark doubts, I could share how the love of God broke through to me and gave me hope. Her hope, too, began to be restored as we recited together a familiar verse: God loved the world so much that He sent His one and only Son, and whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life. Even when we do not understand everything, we can believe in Jesus. And that's enough. (Had she not affirmed her belief in Jesus, I would have shared the Gospel in more detail, asking throughout what she believed and expressing what God has helped me to believe. More about that next week.) What a gift it is to disciple our children with the hope God has given us in Christ!

For those of you up for an adventure, below are some things you can talk about with your child about creation as it is presented in the Jesus Storybook Bible:

Our Lesson: The Beginning: A Perfect HomeIn the REAL Bible: Genesis 1-2; Psalm 8 

Note: if you aren't ready to discuss why Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed, skip Gen. 2:24-25. I didn't hit that part in class. :)

Truth about God: God made everything; He made people so He could love them as His own children.
Take Home Verse: Gen. 1:27 “So God created man in his own likeness. He created him in the likeness of God. He created them as male and female."
Belief Builder: When we believe that God made us to be His children, we will begin to understand how much He loves us!

Talking Points (to review the Take Home Verse):

Make something, anything with your child this week: a meal, a lego city, a piece of art, a play doh sculpture. As you do, talk about how incredibly creative God is. Millions of kinds of animals, each one so different! Hundreds of kinds of food! So many colors! Talk about their favorites. What has God made that they are especially thankful for? Affirm something you see in them that you thank God for: their strength, their generosity, their cheerfulness, their honesty. Tell them that only people can use words to speak and sing their praise to God. (Psalm 8 is an example of David praising God, His creator.) Invite your child to sing, say or write their praise to God. "He is SO GREAT!"

Watch an episode of Planet Earth or Blue Planet or any truly majestic nature show. Listen for the science of evolution. Talk about how sad it is that some people do not believe that God made our world. Those people do not realize how much God loves them! Remind them that the reason we believe God made us is because the Bible says it, and the Bible is true. ALL of it! (Bonus: read Psalm 8. It uses the word "majestic" a lot. Look it up in the dictionary and discuss how creation shows us that God is "majestic.") 

May God's word be alive and active in YOUR heart and home this week!

Preparing Your Child to Love God's Word

For Parents to Ponder: How To Use a Storybook Bible

I am a huge fan of a GOOD storybook Bible that weaves the stories of the Bible together in order to help young children (and adults!) see the entire Story of God. One of my favorites is the Jesus Storybook Bible because every story points to Jesus. I especially like how the book handles the Old Testament. believe that on this side of the cross, the Old Testament is best understood when we keep Jesus in mind. This book does an excellent job of that. I want you to notice that I am calling them books, not Bibles. Like any book written by man, it contains errors. Things you may not agree with. Things you can disregard. In fact, I want you to know, there are things I don't like about this (or any other) kids story Bible. However, like training wheels, these books can be an excellent tool, as long as we know how to use them. Also like training wheels, it will require something of you, the parent. I encourage you to set aside some time today to read from your Bible what your children are reading in theirs. 

Here are a few tips for using this book to its fullest potential:

Teach your childiren WHY we read the Bible. 

• The Bible is not a rule book. It contains rules, but they are not the point. PEOPLE and their behavior is NOT the point. GOD and His behavior IS the point. Only the Bible can teach us what to believe about GOD.
• It is not a book of heroes for them to copy. God is the Hero of this story, and we are to copy Him alone. As we believe God, our behavior changes. As you read any story, notice with your child how people's behavior changes depending on what they are believing about God.
• The Bible is God's Story. It is a story of how God loves His children and comes to rescue them. And it is TRUE! 

Teach your childiren WHO to look for in the Bible. 

• Jesus is the central figure of the ENTIRE Bible, and when we know that, we understand it ALL better.

Point them to the REAL Bible. 

• AFTER you read to your child from their book, please show them where it is in the REAL Bible. Under the title of each story in their book, it tells you where to find it in the real Bible. (I found this week's passage, Psalm 19, so inspiring!).

It is also important to know the weaknesses of this kind of book:

• It will misquote/paraphrase God. 

Personally, I don't like that. Whenever I read a quote from a story Bible that is supposed to be what God or Jesus said, I instead say, "It was like God was saying..." I will often go back and read the exact words from the real Bible.

• It will leave out some good stuff. 

BEFORE you read to your child from their book, I strongly encourage you to read it for yourself from the REAL Bible. Then, as you are reading with your child, you will be able to include extra details, depending on their questions/interest level.

• It will add in some inaccurate stuff. 

BEFORE you read to your child from their book, I strongly encourage you to read it on your own first. You may want to leave a sentence or two out. If they ask why, tell them that part is not in the REAL Bible.

In fact, in our lesson we talked a lot about the REAL Bible, and how it is different from any other book: it's words contain the breath and life of God! Below are some ways you can carry on the conversation at home. 

Our Lesson: The Story and the Song (p12)
In the REAL Bible: Psalm 19; Hebrews 1:1-4 

(The links will give you those passages in the New International Reader's Version, much easier for kids to grasp.)

Truth about Jesus: The entire Bible is about Jesus.
Take Home Verse: 2 Ti 3:16 “God has breathed life into all of Scripture."
Belief Builder: When we believe what God says in the Bible, His words fill us with His life.

Talking Points (to review the Take Home Verse):

Whisper, "I love you" on your child's hand throughout the week, or before you read the Bible together. Notice together that they can feel your breath on their hands. That breath proves you are alive. Remind them that the words in the REAL Bible come from God, who is alive. Encourage them that if we listen and believe with our hearts, we will feel God tell us, "I love you!"

Look at a balloon. Notice together that before you blow it up, it is empty and lifeless. That can remind us of two things: words that do not come from God do not contain God's life; people who do not believe God's words do not contain God's life. God gave us His words so we could believe them and be filled up with His life!

By the end of the week, notice that your balloon is deflated. Remind your child that we are like that balloon, but when we start to feel flat or saggy, we don't have to stay that way! We have the Bible, and we can read it again and again. The more we read it and believe it, the more God's words fill us back up again! Some people read it almost everyday! (Kill the word should from your vocabulary. Reading God's word is a privilege, not a chore.)

I hope you have a great week full of God's life and Spirit!

Avoiding the Double Standard

For Parents to Ponder: Do we imitate Jesus? Really?

Strangely, adults often ask children to do what they are unwilling or unable to do themselves. Let's face it. Saying we love Jesus is easy. Imitating Him is hard. That's because He gave up everything to live and die for others. If we imitate Him, we will find ourselves making hard, self-sacrificing choices, too. 

In this week's story, the disciples left everything to follow Jesus. We are called to do the same. We may not leave fishing businesses, but we are all called to give up finding our worth in what we do. We may not leave our homes, but we are all called to give up finding our security in what we have. We may not leave our families, but we are all called to put our relationship with God ahead of any other human relationship. After all, God says to all of us: “Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” 1 John 3:18

The fact is, living like Jesus did makes no sense to the human heart. Unless you really trust that Jesus is God with Us. Then it makes perfect sense. If we believe that Jesus is truly the Son of God, who made us and loves us and came to rescue us from Satan's lies that lead to pain and sorrow and death, we will believe that His way, though very different from ours, is better.

So, what keeps us from imitating Jesus in the hard choices of life? Our hearts don't fully believe yet, so we are afraid. Do we know better? Yes. Does that matter? No.

This is good to remember when addressing the behavior of your children. Deep down, whether your kids obey or disobey, they may be acting out of fear. Some may be trying to earn your love or others' approval. Others may be afraid that if they do the right thing, they will just be miserable. Do they know better? Maybe. Would that matter? No.

So what should we do with a kids behavior? Whether good OR bad, remind them that God loves them, no matter what they do. This is true both for the child who has not yet understood or accepted Jesus' offer of salvation and for the one who has. "We love because God loved us first." (1 John 4:10) This explains both why we love God and why we love others. Forgiveness, on the other hand, is not unconditional. It only comes from true repentance. "If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, God is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us." Still, "the kindness of God leads you to repentance." (Romans 2:4) Before a child can truly repent and turn toward God, they will need to believe that they are loved unconditionally. Because way, way deep down, they know they can't always obey. And that is terrifying.

Talking Points:

When talking to your child about their behavior, be compassionate! Try something like this:

When you see good behavior, do not tie it to your love.

• I saw what you did, and I am glad you did it. 
• You know that I would have loved you just the same if you hadn't done that, right? 
• Do you feel afraid to say that? Don't be. It will not make your kid a hopeless sinner. They already are one. Instead, it will teach them where to go when they need love and truth.
• Isn't it amazing that God loves you even more than I do?!
• If God doesn't love us more when we do good things, why would we do them?
• LISTEN! Is their answer about performance, or love? Jesus says, If you love me, you will obey my commands." That means, "If you love me, obedience is going to happen." It does not mean, "If you love me, prove it or I won't believe you."

When you see ungodly behavior, do not act like it is okay, but do not use your disapproval to get them to stop.

• I saw what you did, and God's Bible teaches us that if we do that, it will hurt us and others. 
• To teach you not to do that anymore, I am going to (insert consequence here).
• Before your consequence, I want to make sure you know that I love you just as much now as I did before you did that. 
• Even during your consequence, I love you. 
• Even if you are angry at me, I love you. 
• Even if you are not sorry, I still love you. 
• Do you feel afraid to say that? See note above. Don't force kids to say the empty, "I'm sorry." Let the Spirit prompt them. Let your love inspire them. 
• Believe that "the kindness of God leads you (and them!) to repentance."
• Isn't it amazing that God loves you even more than I do?!
• Why do you think you disobeyed?

LISTEN! Is their answer about needing to have things their way? God is most important; when we believe that He loves us and knows better than we do, we can give up our way. About what other people think or were doing? God is most important; when we believe that He loves us, we don't put people's opinions before His. About selfish, needy feelings? God's love is really the thing that our heart needs most; when we believe that, we can give up what we think we need.

Please do not think that because I can write this stuff that I am any good at it. Please pray for me as I pray for you! If God is in control, we do not need to control our kids.