Learning to Pray: Humbly

Lesson 1: Know your place

Let's face it, as kids grow in their indepence, they often forget their place. How many of us have stood with mouth agape at the audacity of our own offspring? Indignation wells up in us, inspiring such thoughts as, "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it." Through the power of the Holy Spirit, we hopefully refrain from speaking such truths out loud until they are free of our ego and tempered by love!

No doubt, God often experiences the same feelings toward His children as we come to Him (or don't!) in prayer. Consider the following passages from Isaiah:

Hear me, you heavens! Listen, earth! 
    For the Lord has spoken: 
“I reared children and brought them up,
    but they have rebelled against me.
The ox knows its master,
    the donkey its owner’s manger, 
but Israel does not know, 
    my people do not understand. ” (1:2-3)
...

When you spread out your hands in prayer,
    I hide my eyes from you;
even when you offer many prayers,
    I am not listening. (1:15)

And yet, what grace it is that this almighty, all-powerful and righteous God longs to be near us and invites us to come humbly before Him, confident of His love!

Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you;
    therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. 
For the Lord is a God of justice. 
    Blessed are all who wait for him!
People of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. 
How gracious he will be when you cry for help! 
As soon as he hears, he will answer you. (30:18-19)


This summer, our church will be learning how to draw close to God in prayer, primarily through the pattern Jesus gave us in the Lord's Prayer (see Matt. 6:9-13). But before Jesus taught His disciples WHAT to say, He first taught them HOW to say it: in a word, humbly (see Matt. 6:5-8). To illuminate this idea of humility, we looked at (and acted out) a story Jesus told of two men with very different attitudes in prayer: one arrogant and self-righteous, the other humble and repentant (see Luke 18:9-14). We talked (and sang) about the importance of knowing that God is THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTY, not a vending machine. We pray so that He can change us and help us to do His will, not so that we can get Him to do our will. We will be returning to this idea all summer as we seek to SYNC UP our hearts with God's! (Ask you kids how they are like an iPhone.)

You know, we never know what is getting through when we teach, and we trust that God's Spirit, not us, will change kids' hearts. So I was stuck this week when a few kids spontaneously chose to kneel as I prayed to close our lesson. Truly, I believe that came from a desire to express their humility and not from a desire to appear holy before their peers. Please pray with me that God will continue to shape the hearts of our children (and us!) into those who know our place and yet pray eagerly, trusting fully in the love of our powerful Heavenly Father.

Gardening in Your Child's Heart

FOR PARENTS TO PONDER: IF MY CHILD'S HEART WERE A GARDEN, WHAT WOULD IT LOOK LIKE?

Wouldn't it be cool if we could literally see what was growing in our kids' hearts, complete with those little plastic tags that tell you what kind of plant it is and what you should do to help it grow? After all, all those little green plant tops look pretty much the same before they're ready to produce fruit.

More and more God has been using this analogy to teach me about how He works in the hearts of people. And yet, I don't know much about gardening, so some of the metaphor is lost on me. (Parenting tip we can learn from God: when talking to a person of lesser understanding, expect to repeat yourself often.)

Still, as I apply myself to understanding, He is teaching me rich truth:

• God is the gardener. He provides the seed (Truth); He alone knows perfectly a weed from a plant (Judgment); He alone knows what to prune, what to cut off, and what to keep (Discipline).
• Jesus is the vine. Nothing detached from the vine is alive (Salvation); anything connected to the vine will live (Sanctification).
• Jesus is the firstfruit. His fruit is sweetest, biggest, best (Supremacy); his fruit alone is an appropriate offering to God (Justification).
• God's Spirit causes growth. Wherever the Spirit flows freely, fruit forms (Righteousness); any blockage cuts off growth must be removed (Repentance).

All of the above are helping me to remember my role in cultivating Life in the heart of my children: I am merely a hired-hand and should not set myself up as the Gardener. I do not have perfect judgement of their motives; my will for their lives is not best; trusting me will not bring them Life. Only to the extent that I  labor humbly and point my children's hearts toward the fullness of God as He has revealed Himself in the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit am I of any value to their hearts at all.

And yet, that word "heart" is a tricky one! I often wonder why on earth would anyone tell young kids to ask Jesus into their hearts?! Kids are so literal! They hear that and quickly start wondering if He will fit, how He will get in, if it will hurt, what He will do while He is there.

And yet, God's word clearly teaches that Jesus lives in those who put their faith in Him. "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." (Galatians 2:20)

Beyond that, Scripture makes it clear that when Jesus does live in us through faith, He does so in our hearts. "I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith." (Ephesians 3:16-17a)

Of course, it is equally clear that it is NOT Jesus' physical body that lives in a believer's physical heart. This may seem obvious to us, but remember that many five-year-olds still believe in the physical reality of the tooth fairy, Santa Claus and leprechauns. Now, whatever we do with these childhood traditions, we must be careful to teach the truth about Jesus: "Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father.” (Galatians 4:6) 

So, how do we teach this essential truth to a child who can be easily confused by our language?

We must define our terms, FIRST. We must explain what we do, and do not, mean. We must intentionally teach what we know intuitively. Simple, right? No. Teaching our children to examine their hearts in a way they can understand is not simple. It is hard. Very hard! But no other skill is more vital. "Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life." (Proverbs 4:23)

And though many of us long to see Christ dwell in the hearts of our children, the primary focus of our parenting is often just as physical as our children's understanding of the word "heart." From healthy eating habits, to sanitary bathroom habits, to diligent sun protection, to well-organized toy storage, to good study habits, to well-rounded exposure to extracurricular activities--we obsess over the physical well being of our children, as though the very course of their lives depended on it.

Jesus encourages us to keep those things in their proper place: secondary.

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. ... Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? ... For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." (Matthew 6:19-20; 25; 32-33)

Again, this is not easy. Everything on your to do list this week threatens to prevent you from taking time to work in the garden of your child's heart. So let's take a moment to pray for each other that God would guard OUR hearts from the worry and busyness that threaten to distract us from our heart's true desire: to see the Spirit of Jesus alive and at work in our children.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7)

Our Lesson: God Sends Help, p326

Pentecost, from Acts 1-5; John 14-15

Truth about God: God's Spirit has the power to change a heart.

Take Home Verse: Ephesians 3:16-17 (New Life Translation)

“I pray that because of the riches of His shining-greatness, [God] will make you strong with power in your hearts through the Holy Spirit. I pray that Christ may live in your hearts by faith. I pray that you will be filled with love.”

Belief Builder: When we believe the truth about Jesus, He will live in our hearts.

Talking Points: Matters of the Heart

Spiritual v. Physical Hearts
The best way to master anything is to teach it to someone else. Give your child the opportunity to teach you what they know about the difference between the physical heart and the spiritual heart. Offer to re-read the story "God Sends Help"; it uses the word heart over and over. Stop as you read and ask them to explain what the spiritual heart does. (It’s the real you; the you on the inside: your feelings, thoughts, ideas, decisions; it was made to love God; it’s the part of Adam and Eve that died when they believed the terrible lie; it's the part of us that must believe that Jesus came to give us life in our hearts again.) This is also a perfect opportunity to say, "Let's see what the REAL Bible says about the heart." (See the list at the bottom of this post for the verses we used in class.)

Separation Anxiety
Even older kids have a hard time separating from someone or something they really like. If you observe this in your child, make a mental note to bring it up later. Use it as an opportunity to talk about how Jesus's friends felt when Jesus went back to Heaven. Offer to read what Jesus said to them from the REAL Bible (John 16:5-7): "Now I am going to the One who sent me. But none of you asks me, 'Where are you going?' Because I have said these things, you are filled with sadness. But what I'm about to tell you is true. It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Friend will not come to help you. But if I go, I will send him to you." Ask if they can tell you who the Friend (NIV: counselor) is? What happened when He came to Jesus' friends.

(Not sure? Offer to re-read the story "God Sends Help" in their books.)

• What was the gift that Jesus sent to His friends? (the Holy Spirit)
• What happened to the hearts of Jesus’ friends when the Holy Spirit came to them? (Jesus was WITH them)
• What happened to their fear? (Gone!) What did they feel instead? (Love!)
• What do you think God meant when He said Jesus would live in our hearts? In our physical heart?
• Does Jesus live in everyone’s heart? (No.) Whose heart DOES Jesus live in? (Only the people who believe.)

Read this week's Take Home Verse: Ephesians 3:16--17

• What does the Bible say happens to our hearts when we trust (have faith) in Jesus? 
• God’s Spirit will make it strong. 
• Jesus will live in it and fill us with His love. 
• He will be with us wherever we go!

What God's Word says about the heart:

• I know that you (God) want truth to be in my heart. (Psalm 51:6 )
• So keep my words in your hearts and minds. (Deuteronomy 11:18)
• You must not doubt in your heart. You must believe... (Mark 11:23)
• The Lord looks deep down inside every heart. He understands the real reasons for everything you think. (1 Chronicles 28:9)
• Evil thoughts come out of the heart. ... And so do stealing, false witness, and telling lies about others. (Matthew 15:19)
• Brothers and sisters, make sure that none of you has a sinful heart. Do not let an unbelieving heart turn you away from the living God. (Hebrews 3:12)
• But you are stubborn. In your heart you are not sorry for your sins. (Romans 2:5)
• So give me a heart that understands. Then ... I can tell the difference between what is right and what is wrong. (1 Kings 3:9)
• You will find [God] if you look for [God] with all your heart and with all your soul. (Deuteronomy 4:29)
• Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul. Love him with all your strength. (Deuteronomy 6:5)
• Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Do not depend on your own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5)
• With all their hearts they wanted to worship the Lord. (2 Chronicles 11:16)
• So let us come near to God with an honest and true heart. Let us come near with a faith that is sure and strong. (Hebrews 10:22)
• So give freely to those who are needy. Open your hearts to them. (Deuteronomy 15:10)
• Work at everything you do with all your heart. Work as if you were working for the Lord, not for human masters. (Colossians 3:23)
• Speak to each other with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord. (Ephesians 5:19)

Offering a Secure Hope

For Parents to Ponder: Can we be perfectly sure our children's hearts truly believe?

In a word, no. Only God’s judgment if perfect and sure.

“My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men’s hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God.” (1 Corinthians 4:4-5)

In fact, as Pastor Ryan explained in his message “Remain,” God allows a bit of tension to exist between two key ideas: 1) We can trust fully in God’s promise that salvation comes through faith alone. 2) True faith always leads to righteous living. This tension is for our good. When we see that our lives do not match what we say we believe, it should prompt us to search our hearts.

After all, Jesus Himself warns us, “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.” (Matt 7:21) The will of God is clear: “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.” (Acts 2:38)

For that reason, it is crucial that we not lead children to assume that they are saved or have the Spirit before they actually repent and believe. At the same time, when children do believe, it is important that they know the many promises God makes to those who believe. It is even more important that they continue to practice trusting God to keep those promises!

So, again, how do we know if our child truly believes?

In a way, it doesn’t matter. Believers and unbelievers alike are called to examine their lives and ask, “Does my life show any indication of spiritual life?” If the answer is no, we should repent and believe. If the answer is yes, we are to remain in our faith.

After all, the only proof of salvation recognized in Scripture is the presence of the Spirit in a person’s heart and the fruit His presence inevitably produces. After all, God judges the heart perfectly, and when He encounters true faith, He instantly makes good on His promise to send the Holy Spirit. This alone is proof that a person belongs to Christ. This alone guarantees that a person will enjoy all the benefits that come from that relationship. (More on this next week!)

"And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory." (Ephesians 1:13-15)

Of course, I believe parents play a key role in nurturing young faith, just as the apostles did for the early churches. “He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.” (I Corinthians 3:6)

So how do we help bring life to the hearts of our children? In the same way the apostles did with their spiritual children: prayerfully, expectantly and conditionally!

Prayerfully: only God can fill our children with spiritual wisdom

"We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, because we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love you have for all the saints—the faith and love that spring from the hope that is stored up for you in heaven ...  For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding." (Colossians 1:3-5a; 9-10)

Expectantly: knowing God results in transformation

"And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins." (Colossians 1:11-15)

Conditionally: all who are reconciled to God remain in their faith

"Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation—if you continue in your faith, established and firm, not moved from the hope held out in the gospel." (Colossians 1:21-23)

This will not be easy, but the Spirit will empower us! “We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ. To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me.” (verses 28-29)

I like that Paul was honest about how hard it is to train God’s people! It is easy to want to give up! Let’s pray for each other that instead, God’s Spirit will use us to draw our children (and us!) to remain in a relationship with our Lord, who loves us and who is glorified as we repent and believe–not just once, but every day!

Our Lesson: Going Home, p318

Matthew 28, Mark 16, Luke 24, John 14

Truth about God: Jesus is the living Son of God

Take Home Verse: John 20:31 

“But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name.”

Belief Builder: God wants EVERYONE to believe and have life.

Talking Points: 

Kids often listen better when their hands are busy. Eye contact is a learned behavior that we teach children to do to show that they are listening. It isn’t actually necessary for listening, and in some cultures it is considered rude! Consider doing the following with your child AS you talk with them.

Life Before Your Child: 

Try to find some photos, be it in a photo album or on a computer, of you from before they were born. Show them to your child and talk about what your life was like before they came along:
- where did you live at various times in your life? Who were your friends?
- what did you want to be when you grew up? What jobs did you have?
- what made you want to become a parent? What changed about your life after your child arrived?

Talk about how silly it would be if they didn’t believe what you just told them. After all, you were there!
- would be any less true if they didn’t believe you?

Explain that reading the Bible is like sitting down with God and letting Him tell us what life was like before WE ALL were born. Get your Bible and read this week’s Take Home verse.
- everything in the Bible happened a LONG time ago.
- we believe it because it was written down by the people who WERE there.

Your Life Before Jesus: 

If possible, show your child a picture of what you looked like when you began to believe that Jesus was the living Son of God. If not, draw a picture of yourself. Invite your child to draw a picture of a day that was really important to them. As you draw (this can happen on a napkin or any scrap of paper, anywhere you find yourselves together with time to kill):
- Let your child know that you believe what the Bible says about Jesus.
- Tell them how you came to believe that Jesus was the living Son of God.
- Who told you about it? Where were you?
- What was hard for you to believe at first?
- What have you recently learned to believe about Jesus?
- What does your child believe about Jesus?
- What are some things that only the Son of God can do? (forgive sin being the most important for us!)
- Talk about how you believe that only Jesus can forgive sin. We have to believe that to live with Him in Heaven.

Looking Forward to Heaven

For parents to ponder: Perfect is for heaven.

Normally, I like to post on Mondays, but yesterday I was too busy sinning to do my job. Does that scare you? To see that in writing? It shouldn't! What SHOULD scare us is any leader (or parent, or child, or believer) who can't admit sin.

Truth is, I started out with all sorts of less honest opening lines: The day got the better of me; It was just one of those days; It didn't work out. None rang true. And none led to the Gospel. But sin always leads me to the Gospel.

In fact, it is when I find myself face-to-face with my sin (again, still!) that I'm in desperate need of Good News. And thanks to Jesus, that's exactly what I woke up to today! I was reminded again through someone's early morning facebook post that God's mercy is new every morning. And my spirit responded, "AMEN! Thank you, Jesus, for your Grace."

Yet, there is another part of me that really hates Grace. It's the Eve in me: the woman who wants to be Glorious on her own. That woman hates admitting her sin and needing Grace. She wants to be perfect. All the time. She sees a few missed blog posts and wants to go back and make up for lost time rather than just start fresh. (Sorry, Kindergarten parents.) She wants to quit playing Scrabble when it becomes obvious that winning is impossible. (Sorry, Mom.)

It is also the Eve in me that makes me ungracious toward others. She freaks out when yellow poop is tracked through the house, defiling her white tile floor. She wants to scream "I told you so!" while her daughter weeps (loudly) over accidentally cooking two lizards to death in the back yard. She forces her husband to officiate the reptiles' funeral while she nurses a sore back and a grudge after having to do so much extra housework. She takes solace in bleach rather than Jesus. (Yes, that was my day. Ugly.)

I say "she" because that woman is not me. 

"Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. ... What a wretched [woman] I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God–through Jesus Christ our Lord!" (Romans 7:20; 24-25)

You know, I had to eat some serious humble pie during our bedtime prayers last night. I had to admit that I can act selfishly. That I can have my very own "Mommy fits" sometimes. But by admitting my sin to my daughter especially, I also got to affirm the Good News: that's not who I really am, and that's not how I really feel. Instantly, she related to my dilemma. She, too, finds herself doing what she does not want to do. And together we could be glad that, one day, God will do for us what He did for Jesus: He will raise us up to everlasting life and put our enemies (ego, temper, immaturity, selfishness, sadness and death) under our feet!

You'd be surprised how comforting it is for a child to see an adult find their hope not in where they are but instead in where they are going. After all, that is the hallmark of childhood–always growing but never arriving. It should not surprise us then, as the children of God, that we are still in process. At the same time, it is a great encouragement that our perfection is as inevitable as our kids' transformation into full-grown adults!

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. (1 Peter 1:3-9

Our Lesson: God’s Wonderful Surprise

Matthew 28, Mark 16, Luke 24, John 20

Truth about God: Jesus is alive!

Take Home Verse: John 20:29 
Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed. Blessed are those who have not seen me but still have believed.”

Belief Builder: God gave us the Bible so we would know that Jesus is alive!

Talking Points: It may almost seem too basic, but kids need to know that we have good reason to believe that Jesus really is alive. Every promise of our faith hinges on having a living Savior; if Jesus is dead, Paul says, then we are the most pitied of all men! (1 Corinthians 15:17-19)
• Jesus appeared to more than 500 people over a period of weeks, and they have become our eye witnesses. There are many things we believe even though VERY few people have seen them; we are taking the word of other people, or believing what was written down by the people who were there. Here are a few you might point out this week:
- that there is a North Pole; that it is cold
- that the moon has less gravity; if you walk on it, you almost float
- that there are amazing creatures in the deepest parts of the ocean
- that Egyptians built the pyramids
• Talk about how we should treat people who don't believe that Jesus is alive. How did Jesus treat people who didn't believe what He said? (He told us to be like God: show love to everyone! Matt 5:43-48)

Talking to kids about the Gospel

Preparing children to follow Jesus

Parents who truly know what it is to follow Jesus want nothing more than to see their children do the same! And if we could get them to avoid some heartache by learning from our mistakes, that would sweeten the deal. But somehow, all these heartfelt longings do not make it any easier to know how to express the great hope of the Gospel in a way the hearts of our children can grasp.

So what to do? In a word: persist.

No one comes to believe overnight. Instead, we must understand that belief happens much like a child’s growth: in spurts and stages. It is essential that we not make comparisons or assumptions about the future based on where our child is at any given stage. And we must keep looking for creative ways to get the truth across:

“Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates.” Deuteronomy 6:4-6

Repetition, repetition, repetition

Nothing about our spiritual growth is linear. Quite the opposite, it is more like a coil that comes round and round the same point, over and over ever expanding as it does.

And that central point is the Gospel. Those foundational concepts lead us not only to our first moment of repentance and faith, but also to every future step of faith! So whether our children are believers or not, they need to hear the Gospel again and again.

And that’s a relief, because it is not always clear whether our children truly believe! We must trust God to lead us in the unclear areas of when to affirm their salvation, when to invite them to be baptized and take communion, when to challenge them to walk in the Spirit. But as we become fluent in the language of the Gospel, we will find ourselves about to talk about it just as the Lord says: in the everyday happenings of life.

Keep it a dialogue!

Educational research tells us that the process of trying to explain an idea to someone helps us understand it better ourselves. So, keep your kids talking and keep this in mind as you do: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.” James 1:19-20

Our hearts are so wrapped up in our desire to see our children love and enjoy Jesus the way we do (or better!) that we can become defensive, critical or even angry when a child expresses their unbelief. But truth is planted, not forced, into a heart. Look for tender moments when you can plant the truth in love; ask God to make it grow!

[Jesus] also said, “This is what the kingdom of God is like. A man scatters seed on the ground. Night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how. All by itself the soil produces grain—first the stalk, then the head, then the full kernel in the head. As soon as the grain is ripe, he puts the sickle to it, because the harvest has come.” Mark 4:26-29

Take your time

Avoid giving children of any age a false sense of salvation. Just like physical growth, not everyone grows at the same rate in the same areas. Don’t feel the pressure to rush into a Salvation Prayer. Be careful to distinguish between God’s love and His forgiveness. God’s love is for everyone; His forgiveness is only for those who repent and trust that Jesus’ death paid for their sins. While children feel bad when they sin, it takes time to grasp the concept of trusting in Jesus’ death as a substitute for theirs, let alone have enough sense of time to commit their future lives to Jesus. Of course, if a child ASKS how to be forgiven, TELL THEM. But let the child initiate!

Know your child

It is important to keep your child’s individual development in mind when talking to them about their faith. Know this: every human is born looking for something to put their faith in. As we grow, we try various things: our parents, our teachers, ourselves, our friends, money, status, the list goes on. Our desire as parents is to give our children the truth so they many put their faith in God, who alone is Good. Only God can satisfy the deep longings of their souls. Everything else will fail them. Both before and after a child is saved, a parent’s job is encourage faith in God and to encourage our child turn away from inferior things. We can only do this if we show compassion to our children when something fails them, so they will know we truly care as we remind them that God never fails!

Of course, there are general developmental phases we all go through that affect how we internalize spiritual truth. Very rarely does a person deeply understand a spiritual truth that is beyond their developmental reality. For example, the idea that to God a day is like a thousand years is meaningless to a child who has no concept of time.

Know the basics

Below you will find Salvation Concepts that are both child-friendly and accurate. (Often, in an effort to make a truth simple we can miss the mark of truth.) After that, you will also find some tips to help you teach your children with their developmental stage in mind. Like physical growth, there are ALWAYS exceptions! Trust (and ask!) the Spirit to lead you as you lead your children.

The following Salvation Concepts are foundational. Some can be grasped at very young ages, others require more advanced thinking (cause and effect, time, spatial reasoning, logic). Review these life-giving verses with them; consider memorizing them! Most of these concepts can be grasped by the middle of the elementary years, but none is believed fully in this lifetime. Talk to them whenever YOU have a deeper understanding of one of these truths. Pray earnestly that one day your child will express, in their own way, these concepts to God in a prayer for salvation. Find regular intervals to check in with your child about what they understand and believe so far (sample questions provided after each Scripture reference).

• God, I believe you love me and made me so I could love You, too. (Genesis 1-2; Deuteronomy 6:5) Who made the world? Who made you?

• I have let other things be more important than You and Your Words. (Exodus 20:1-17; Matthew 22:37-39) Who is in charge of everything? Do you always care about God and what He wants? 

• Because I am a sinner, I deserve death and need forgiveness. (Genesis 3, 1 John 1:8-10, Romans 3:23) How many people live the way God wants them to? What do you think God will do about all the people who don’t want to do things His way? Who should be punished? Is it fair that we are punished? Why? Who deserves to go to heaven?
• I believe that Your Son Jesus is the only One who can reconnect me with You. (Acts 4:12, John 14:6) Who did God send into the world? Why?
• I fully trust that You will accept Jesus’s death on the cross as payment for my sin and will keep Your promise to give me eternal life in Heaven. Jesus, please save me from my sin. (Colossians 1:19-23; John 3:16) Did Jesus always care about God? Did Jesus deserve to be punished? How was Jesus like us? How was He different? What bad thing happened to Jesus? Why would Jesus die for us? Is Jesus dead or alive now?
• I want to give up doing things my way and instead live Your way.  (Romans 6:5-14, Galatians 5:16-17) What happens if we live our way? What happens if we live God’s way?
• I trust You to keep your promise to put your Holy Spirit inside my heart. I believe He will make me clean and new on the inside so that I can hear and obey Him as He teaches me how to live the way Jesus did. (Romans 7, Ephesians 3:16-19; Phil 2:5-11) How do we start living God’s way? What do we do when we blow it?
• I believe that one day, after I die, Your Spirit will bring me to live with You in Heaven, where I will be made perfect. I will never want to sin again, and there will be no more sadness, pain or death. (Rev. 21:1-5) Where is Jesus now? What will he do when He comes back again? When will always care about God? When will everything be good again?

Tips for Toddlers & Preschoolers/ Key Concept: God made us; He love us!

As children begin to understand their parents’ love, they can begin to grasp God’s love. This is also a perfect time to tell them that God made them and everything else in the world they are discovering. (See Salvation Concept 1.)

Tips for Kindergarteners / Key Concept: When we don't believe God, we sin.

Kindergarteners have a growing understanding of justice, right, wrong and punishment, so it is a good time to teach them what happens when we don’t believe God–we sin. Help them to also understand that God hates sin because it hurts the people He made and loves. Worse, God has to punish people who sin, when all He really wants to do is love them. That is why God gave us Jesus to take away the world’s sin. (Salvation Concepts 1-4.)

Elementary/ Key Concept: We must believe that Jesus died to pay for OUR sin. 

These are key years for salvation in children, as they begin to believe the rather scary idea that they themselves are sinners in need of a Savior. At this age, they can more readily understand the idea of substitution as well as making a lifelong commitment. And yet, school and community activities often crowd out time to learn about God. Consider using communion as a reminder to talk to your children intentionally about the fundamentals of faith.

• Read and discuss a passage of scripture that will help them grow in their understanding of why sin leads to death. (Genesis 2:16 & 3:1-8; Romans 5:12, Romans 1:18-20, 29-32; Salvation Concept 3) 
• Read and discuss a passage of scripture that will help them grown in their understanding that eternal life is only for people who agree with God that we are sinners and need Jesus to forgive us. (Romans 3:23-26, John 3:16-18, Romans 6:20-23; Salvation Concept 3)
• Talk to your child about what he or she believes about his or her own sin. (This is best done one-on-one.) Be prepared to lead your child through a prayer of salvation; if you aren’t sure how, make an appointment with the Children’s Pastor. (If your child does pray with you, consider making an appointment with the Children’s Pastor, who can talk with you about introducing your child to communion and baptism.)
• Probe lovingly into what they believe about the way they live; challenge them gently as the Spirit leads. Re-focus them on how the death of Jesus gives us life and power in the Spirit, not just to be saved but also to obey. (See Salvation Concepts 6-8.)

Believing Children/ Key Concept: Jesus wants us to examine our hearts 

When explaining salvation (to children especially) we often describe it as one-time decision to ask for forgiveness. Really, it is a lifelong commitment to love and obey Jesus as our Lord, every day until He comes back! This is only possible if we are constantly growing in our understanding of what it means to follow Him. We must teach believing children how to examine their hearts in light of Salvation. Make it a point to regularly ask about their day-to-day relationship with Jesus as Savior and Lord. (You may also consider making an appointment with the Children’s Pastor to talk about introducing your child to baptism and communion.)

Remind your child that believers can know if they are living God’s way by comparing themselves to the Bible.

• Read a passage that will help your child grow in their understanding of God’s way of life. (Ephesians 4, Romans 6, Romans 12, Colossians 3)
• Discuss how God’s way, as described in that passage, is different from what we tend to do.
• Discuss why God’s rules are really for our good. Why makes it hard to obey? What don’t we believe?
• Share what is hard for you and how glad you are that Jesus forgives us when we repent. (1 John 1:8-9)
• Express your joy that one day all this struggle will finally be over when we are made perfect in Heaven.
• Give your child a chance to do the same.

Building a Legacy of Grace

For Parents to Ponder: Is our child's obedience TOO important?

You may not know this, but my mom (Donna Harrell) is a pioneer of the idea that children can believe God and be saved. Some of my earliest memories are of her collaborating with other adults on the most creative and genuine ways to bring Grace to the hearts of children. And there is no doubt that my own faith came as a direct result of her unflagging belieft that children can know and love Jesus. Thanks to her, I have no memory of life without Him.

Equally important, I have no memory of a day when I thought my mother didn't love me. I am convinced that before a child will want to obey (you or God), they must believe that they are loved unconditionally.

All too often, though, we parents just want our children to obey! We think, "How can I just get this kid to do what I say?"

Instead, our key question must be: what is keeping my child from wanting to obey? (What is number one in my child's heart right now? What do they love? Where are they placing their faith and hope? What is seated where God should be?)

Another question must follow: What truth can I teach them that–if they believe it–will free them to put God in His rightful place?

After all, teaching our children to obey (us and God) is of secondary importance. We must first teach them to believe! Only when we believe God do we willingly obey Him! In fact, we must make it clear that OBEDIENCE does not save us; FAITH does...as it expresses itself in obedience.

As parents, we can rest in this: God wants our children to obey us. So when God is in His rightful place in their hearts, they will. In fact, I believe that when faith is our priority, we often get obedience. But it does not necessarily work in reverse.

Yesterday, of course, God gave me a chance to put this idea to the test.

I wanted my son to clear some of the Lego clutter off the surfaces in his room. It was simply no longer possible to dust, and he has dust allergies. As soon as I mentioned it, I was met with panic masked by indignant resistance. He clearly LOVED his stuff.

BOOM! Two choices become clear: 

1. pull the authority card, force him to comply, get what I want quickly, expect him to get over it. OR, 
2. empty myself of my right to control, humbly reassure him of my love, teach his heart, pray that he receives the truth. 

I chose the latter. And it cost me dearly, in time and humility and compromise. 

• I had to admit that part of my desire to see his room clean was selfish. (I hate clutter.) 
• I had to admit that even though I have every right to make him do what I want in my home, God wants me to put his needs before my own.
• I had to reassure him that love compelled me to minimize dust in his room.
• I had to explain that parental authority is only needed when a child is being immature or irresponsible. 
• I had to take the time to teach him how not caring about his health or the time it takes me to dust his room is both immature and irresponsible. 
• I had to reassure him repeatedly that I loved him and had his best interest at heart, and that I was willing to find a compromise.
• I even had to mean it.

To gain entry to my son's heart, I had to parent from a place of humility described in Philippians 2:3-4, " Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others."

Once I had reassured his heart of my love, I could challenge it with the truth. I said, "Before we go any further, you need to ask yourself if you LOVE your stuff. Because if you do, this won't go well. Jesus warned people over and over that loving stuff would ruin their hearts and make it impossible for them to obey God." His body language spoke volumes: he covered his eyes, hung his head low. I asked him why he was hiding. He said he didn't know. After a few minutes of quiet, he made some off-the-wall joke, and it was obvious he had decided to turn away from his combative attitude and toward me in cooperation.

That, my fellow parents, is true worship. He let God and His truth be number one in his heart. And he expressed that worship not in heart-felt song or pious prayer. He expressed it in OBEDIENCE. 

I hope this example makes it clear: had I coerced my son, he would have obeyed to avoid punishment, but it would not have been in faith, and it would not have saved his heart from the love of stuff.

At one point in our conversation, my son began to lament what a horrible day he had. He asked, "Why do I always have a terrible day right before we have one of THESE talks?" My answer was immediate: "Because Satan HATES YOU. He knows you are going to be given an opportunity to make God number one in your life, and Satan wants you to be beat down and tired when you get to that moment. But God has given you everything you need to make the right choice, and I am a part of that. I LOVE YOU. And I am on YOUR side. I want you to WIN."

Make no mistake: we have a common enemy. Satan, the Liar, wants parents to believe they must dominate and control their children. He wants children to believe they must rebel and strive for independence. But God wants parents to believe that they must train their children in the tender, patient, gracious ways of God so that our children will be blessed as they submit to us in love. My prayer is that we would ALL be less like Adam and Eve and more like Noah: Let's believe God and express our worship in obedience!

Our Lesson: A New Beginning

Genesis 6-9
Note: Genesis 9:18 begins the story of the day Noah got drunk. While you may want to skip reading this part, you could summarize it. It is essential that our kids not grow up thinking Noah was perfect; that is for God alone!

Also, in the book it has God say, "I won't ever destroy the world again." That is, of course, not true. It should read: "I won't ever destroy the world again with a flood." God IS going to destroy the earth again, this time with fire (see 2 Peter 3). And just as God provided the ark in the days of the flood, God has now provided Jesus in the days before the flood of fire.

Truth about God: God wants to rescue us from sin and death.
Take Home Verse: John 3:36 Anyone who believes in the Son has eternal life. Anyone who says no to the Son will not have life. God's anger remains on him.
Belief Builder: God wants us to believe what the Bible says about Jesus.

Talking Points: Try making your own game of Truth or Lie (see last week's email), using the story of Noah. Or, just talk through the ideas below.

• What truth did Noah have to believe? (That he needed a boat. That it was really going to rain. That God was telling the truth.) 

• How do we know Noah believed God? (He got on the boat!)

• What happened because Noah believed? (He was rescued. He lived.)

• What lies did other people believe? (the opposite)

• How do we know they didn't believe God? (They didn't get on the boat!)

• What would have happened if they had believed? (They would have been rescued. They would have had life, not death.)

May we all cling to the truth in faith!

Bringing Grace to Your Heart and Theirs

For Parents to Ponder: Who speaks Grace to your heart?

I have to say I consider it a gift from God that I have the responsibility and privilege of encouraging you to talk to your kids about their hearts. Honestly, I might otherwise be starting my day by playing a game of solitaire on my phone. :D

Oddly enough this week, I want to encourage you in this: make an appointment (aka, a promise) to talk to another person about what God is doing in YOUR heart. Though it might not seem related, this is a crucial step in parenting your child's heart. 

Why? Because there is no better way to learn how to lead a child than to learn how to be one. And there is no better way to understand your child than to learn to follow your Father. Jesus says repeatedly to follow Him as He follows God. How did Jesus follow God? As His Son!

In fact, I hear from my husband that many men at Men's Retreat made commitments to follow hard after Jesus in the spirit of a child. Praise God! Now, do something highly practical about it. Make an appointment! Let's face it, we all have good intentions to obey God (just like our children have good intentions of obeying us). But these plans often get pushed to the side (just like our children often get distracted from work by play).

However, there is something in the American adult that has been well-trained to keep appointments. Especially with people who are not a part of our family. Don't beat yourself up about this; work with it! Dads, make an appointment to meet with another guy or two to talk about what God may want to change in YOUR heart. Moms, do the same! (Not convinced? Ponder this: sin is often generational. What you want to change in your kids, God may want to change in you first.)

As you meet, discuss the methods God is using to change your heart, and consider how you might apply those methods to your parenting. All too often, we look to the methods of our human (read: flawed) parents, and modify and adapt from there. Inevitably, that has us swinging between two extremes. One is legalistic moralism that says, "You are good if you do the right thing." (Read: try harder.) The other extreme is permissive moralism that says, "You are good enough; no one is perfect." (Read: give up.)

In my experience, our Heavenly Father says neither to us. Instead, His message is Grace: "You are of great worth to me because you are mine. But you are not good. Not at all. Don't worry, though! When you grow up, you're going to look just like Me! (Read: There's hope!)

But what a puzzle it is to practice Grace in our parenting! Does God discipline His children? Yes! (And it's painful! See Hebrews 12:11) Does God rescue His children? (See Romans 7:24-25) Yes! Does God wait patiently for His children? Yes! (See Psalm 145:8-9) Does God allow His children to run amuck in their sin? Yes! (See Luke 15:11-13) Does God allow the natural consequences of this life to teach us a lesson? Yes! (See Luke 15:14-16) Does God express His anger to His children? (See Isaiah 54:7-8) Yes! Does God forgive His children? Yes! (Every time, without limit. See 1 John 1:8-10)

So what governs God's methods? I suggest it is His HEART. Whatever we see God doing in any given season of our lives, we can count on this: His heart toward us never changes. It is always love. Unconditional love. (Read; No matter how long this takes, I will patiently love you.) And frankly, I don't think we can express that kind of love to our own children until we have truly believed and experienced it firsthand from our Heavenly Father.

So why meet with another adult? Simply this: we need an outside perspective to try and understand the ways of God. They are foreign and confusing to us. We need to talk them through. To pray. To search the Scripture. We need help to know when we are making excuses for ourselves and lowering the standard. We need help to know when we are being too hard on ourselves. In a word, we need someone else to speak GRACE to us. Only then can we extend it to our kids. And grace does the one thing punishment and blind-acceptance cannot: it gives us hope that God will change us!

Speaking of hope, here's a lesson on that from the garden...

Jesus Storybook Bible Lesson: The Terrible Lie
In the REAL Bible: Genesis 3

Note: Satan is presented in this lesson. If your child shows fear about Satan, remind them that God has promised to CRUSH him! We emphasized this A LOT in class. :)

Truth about God: God's words are true and give us life.
Take Home Verse: John 3:16: "God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son. Anyone who believes in him will not die but will have eternal life."
Belief Builder: When we believe that God loves us, we will obey His words!

Talking Points (to review the Take Home Verse):

Play a game of Truth or Lie, like the one below. Our story was all about how death came into the world when God's children believed a lie instead of God's true words. Playing a game like the one below will help your children to think and talk about the difference between the truth and a lie. Simply put, a lie is always a variation of the truth! Satan is not creative; he simply distorts what God says in some small way. This teaches children (and us!) an important reason to know and study the Bible: ONLY its words are ALL true; it is important to know exactly what God says. Always check your own paraphrase!

Supplies: the attached sheet, (or a Bible), a pile of "rewards"

Note: some children can be rewarded by they joy of collecting all of a given object, some will need M&Ms or chocolate chips!

How to play:

Look up Genesis 3 in your Bible. Find a statement you can turn into a lie, and then have your child tell you a corresponding true statement. Together, check it against what the Bible says. If the Bible supports their idea, give them a reward. Or, use my examples are below:

Genesis 1

1 In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. 

Lie: The heavens and earth came from a giant explosion.

3 God said, “Let there be light.” And there was light. 4 God saw that the light was good. 

Lie: Light is bad. 

21 He created every living and moving thing that fills the waters. He created all kinds of them. 

Lie: There was only one kind of creature that turned into many other kinds.

24 God said, “Let the land produce all kinds of living creatures. Let there be livestock, and creatures that move along the ground, and wild animals. Let there be all kinds of them.” And that’s exactly what happened. 

Lie: There was only one kind of creature that turned into many other kinds.

27  God created man in his own likeness. 

      He created him in the likeness of God. 

      He created them as male and female. 

Lie: Boys are better than girls. 

OR, Girls are better than boys.

31 God saw everything he had made. And it was very good. 

Lie: God does not want us to have good things.

15 The Lord God put the man in the Garden of Eden. He put him there to work its ground and to take care of it.

Lie: Work is bad.

16 The Lord God gave the man a command. He said, “You can eat the fruit of any tree that is in the garden. 17 But you must not eat the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. If you do, you can be sure that you will die.”

Lie: Rules are bad.

Lie: We don’t really have to obey God’s rules.

Lie: Knowing good and evil was good for Adam.

Lie: God was keeping something good from Adam.

Lie: God didn’t give Adam enough.

Lie: God did not really love Adam and Eve.

18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”

Lie: Being a helper is bad.

Lie: Boys are better than girls. 

OR, Girls are better than boys.

Genesis 3

4 “You can be sure that you won’t die,” 

- God lied.   - Nothing happens when we disobey God.

5 “God knows that when you eat the fruit of that tree, you will know things you have never known before.

- God has kept something good from you.  

- You do not have everything you need to be happy.

You will be able to tell the difference between good and evil. You will be like God.” (This is actually a true statement, see v22; the implications below are lies.)

- Being like God was good for Eve.  

- Eve would be happier if she were like God.

- God had not given Eve what she needed to make good decisions (be wise). 

- Eve would make good decisions if she ate the fruit.  

Eve’s actions:

6 The woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good to eat. It was also pleasing to look at. And it would make a person wise. So she took some of the fruit and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her. And he ate it.

What does this show that Eve believed about God?

- God’s rule was bad for her. He didn’t really love her.

What does this show that Eve believed about obeying God?

- If she obeyed God, she would miss out on a good thing.

- Obeying God would make her unhappy.

What does this show that Eve believed about herself?

- She knows better than God what is best for her.

- She should decide for herself what to do.

What does this show that Eve believed about Satan?

- Satan was telling the truth.  

- Satan wanted good things for her.  He was on her side

- Satan knew better than God how to make her happy. 

What do we really know about Satan? 

Jesus said, “From the beginning, the devil was a murderer. He has never obeyed the truth. There is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his natural language. He does this because he is a liar. He is the father of lies. (John 8:44)

When God confronts His children, we see another terrible lie: My sin is not my fault.

Eve: Satan tricked me.    Adam: God gave me the woman.

What do we really know about our sin? 

Ever since the world was created it has been possible to see the qualities of God that are not seen. I’m talking about his eternal power and about the fact that he is God. Those things can be seen in what he has made. So people have no excuse for what they do. They knew God. But they didn’t honor him as God. They didn’t thank him. Their thinking became worthless. Their foolish hearts became dark. They claimed to be wise. But they made fools of themselves. (Romans 1:20-22)

May we ALL respond to God's truth in childlike faith!